I Trust My God...

Some days are so hard.   Hard doesn't even come close to describing the emptiness in my heart and spirit in dark moments. Life was a roller coaster with you. Literally. Life was spontaneous. You taught me to 'Live in the Moment'. I'm so thankful you showed me the preciousness of Life. You knew what it was like to be stripped down to nothing and to praise God anyway. There was a point in your life when you lost everything and yet you were thankful for everything at the same time. You showed me this huge life concept. To Praise Him in a palace or a prison.   Some moments my mind feels like a prison. But I think of all the Lord brought us through and the bigger picture of Life and Eternity and I can't contain my Praise.   The other day I closed my eyes and I was trying to remember your smell, your touch, your lips, you seemed so far away. It was like a punch in my gut, over and over again.   But then you come back to me so swiftly. I can hear your laug

I made a mistake tonight...  Abby likes to 'unpack' my purse and she was doing so tonight. As I was putting the contents back into my purse I found a jump drive I did not recognize in the zipped side pocket... So I plugged it into my computer...   It was the video recording of Cody Lusk' s Funeral Service.   I had requested it be recorded due to Abigail being a baby and she may ask to see it one day... A friend’s husband recorded it and she had given it to me several weeks ago and   I had safely dropped it into my purse and hadn't thought about it since.   I had no intentions of watching it. Once I realized what it was- I was in a trance and began watching. 15 minutes into it I had to turn it off.   It's as if someone punched me in the gut. This is real. This really happened. He is never coming home to me. It's like your psyche blocks out tragedy. Literally. A million memories flooded me in an instant. Amazing memories, terrible memories (because ev

This picture speaks a thousand words to me.   On a more recent 'bad' night... I was transparent in my cries to God. And questioning the hurt and devastation in my life. With the more time that passes, it's getting easier to wake up and seize the day. However, the reality of never getting to be in my husband’s arms again or hear his beautiful laugh can bring me to my knees in an instant.   This particular night Abby had been inconsolable while in pain from teething... I was at a loss, fe lt defeated... And angry. No one sets out in life to be a single parent. I began to just cry along with Abby. Realizing in this moment how much I took having a Life Partner and Husband for granted. I angrily cried out to God- I did everything right. I followed 'the rules'. Waiting until marriage to start a family,   Cody   and I had a life plan, we were good people, why, why? Why am I now a single mother? I can't do this alone... All these thoughts running through my

 “Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name.” Psalm 86:11 … ‘Unite my heart to fear Your name”, what a profound statement David writes in this Psalm. God has been bringing me back to the ‘fear of the Lord’. I grew up never understanding God’s grace and mercy… The past year, I have been ministered too in a very different and quite refreshing way that elaborates nothing but ‘truth’ and the gospel while dispersing the revelation of grace and mercy. I am in utter thankfulness for this in my life. I no longer am walking around in darkness and carrying a suitcase full of failures, secret sins, fears, and worldly baggage… The grace and mercy the Lord lavishes us with takes that away if we let Him. I have finally allowed God to be ‘God’ in my life—if that makes any sense. So with that being said… My heart has been gripped with an urgency of: Where is the fear of the Lord? So many people seemed to be confused with the statement-

'Warrior Princess’… is ironically a title of a chapter in the book I am reading—Captivating written by husband and wife—John & Stasi Eldredge. I was overtaken with confirmation and excitement, as ‘Warrior Princess’ is my husband’s nickname for me. I could not wait to read what the chapter said. And rightfully so—as it spoke volumes to my soul—so much so, that I feel I must share. So many people in today’s society—male and female—view women as weak, feeble, unaided… (I am not initiating a women’s right’s movement or anything of the sort, just speaking truth). Women are often times ‘hushed’ in important matters whether it be in the marriage, church, or other significant settings. I’ve spoken with many women lately who feel they don’t really have a voice on important issues in their home, or they are accused of setting their spouse up for failure if they ask a question or the famous ‘nagging’ word is thrown around. However, for me at least, it’s been a major struggle on ‘ho

What is the first thing that you think of when you think of the Fourth of July? Me… Freedom. I know I’m a little late, but I feel inspired! July 4 th  has an extra special meaning to me now—It was the day I met my Husband… Yep… Last year on July 4 th … We didn’t really waste any time as we were married in 3 and half months. I’ve always been told-  that you will know that you know, especially when it’s God ordained. The following is an exert from the manuscript I am writing—and hoping to be published as my first book soon! It is my testimony and how God took me out of my muddied pit and set me up on the rock!   PART II What Does  Freedom  Mean To You?              “How will you know?” I asked. My mom turned to me with such certainty, “You will just know that you know”, she said. I could not fathom this idea- this notion of love being so simple and wrapped up in one tiny sentence. ‘You will just know that you know?’ All I knew was I had clung to Jesus for dear life every

Something my pastor preached on, Sunday morning sparked… no more like ignited a fire in my spirit. His sermon revolved heavily on the dreams and aspirations we all have. Yes, we all have them even in old age, those dreams still swim in our minds. We are made in the image of God—we are made with a passion to serve and worship Him… to glorify Him. That yearning desire you have to ______________ (fill in your blank). We were made to express that ‘uniqueness’ in us… that special little something that The Lord dispersed in YOU, and in a matchless way that only YOU could deliver it. Isn’t that amazing? We are made differently. When I sit and dwell on the fact that God created me to play an intricate role in this world. A part that He made specifically for me, that is exciting! At the same time, it scares me. Our human nature immediately wants to puff ourselves up and think how important we are. Yes—we are important, but NOT for our own selfish agendas. One of my favorite scriptures, t

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:13 Have you ever been angry or disappointed at someone—a loved one for not doing something to the fullest of their ability- or the way you would have done it? Have you ever judged a loved one based on their performance? It could be a friend… child… parent… or spouse… I have to admit God has recently revealed to me the pain I have caused a loved one by my judgmental mindset. You want to know how God opened my eyes to this revelation—He allowed someone else—someone I hold to the dearest depths of my own heart to make judgments about my own person, abilities, and question who I really am. Ouch… I cannot remember a time I have been so hurt and lost, to say the least. However, I didn’t dwell in this state of confusion for long at all. Through similar experiences in the past, I have learned the quicker I get on my face and give my ‘feelings’ to The Lord, the quicker I can see