I Trust My God...

Photo by Cori Lusk Ford As he hurriedly walked through the house with a level and tape measure in one hand and his phone to his ear with the other, he stopped to smile at me as I held the sleeping body of our 8-month old baby girl.  He was on the phone with a project coordinator lining up contracts for our telecommunications company.  His business call ended.  His smile turned to glossy eyes as he admired what he called a “beautiful sight”.  He updated me on the content of the business call- as I was now our Office Manager.  We were more a team than ever.  We were new parents who both had the privilege of working from home—which is where we both desired to be.  With one another and the new edition to our family.  How blessed we were.  And we discussed that often.  Nothing was short of the Grace of God.  During the hustle and bustle of this day—Cody asked me a question that still crosses my mind on the regular, “If something were to happen to me, can you handle all of this?”  I l

Photo By Katherine Culpepper   Cody and I were standing in our bedroom.  We were panicked.  There was danger outside.  Devastation looming ahead of us.  We could see vividly out of the two double windows.  The lake, the beautiful and peaceful lake lay in front of us.  On the lake were six tornados coming our way.  Six tornados spinning our direction, not slowing down.  Cody in all his protective nature remained level headed.  We thought we had more time.  We took one more look out the window, it was inevitable—The tornados were too close.  Cody grabbed my hand and said, “I Love you, are you ready?”   The tornados ripped through the bedroom, ripped through our lives.  Chaos abounded. Then I woke up… Cody and I were driving down the road.  Cody was driving, while I was in the passenger seat.  Something was happening.  Danger was around us.  Cody was trying to get away.  We were going too fast.  He went up a big hill of some sort.  All of a sudden the vehicle was flying throu

Photo by Cori Lusk Ford “If I rise, let me rise on you.  Not on all of my success, my esteem or my pursuits.  If I lose, let me lose my life.  Cause if I belong to Jesus, the flesh is crucified.  For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.  If I grow, let me grow in You.  Wilt the seeds of wanting more.  Rippin’ pride out by the roots, and if I’m still, let me hear You speak.  Not the tone of my transgressions, but the song of the Redeemed.  For me to Live is Christ, to die is gain.  My great desire is to be with you.  But this is the place you chose for me.  To lift my cross and give everything.  This is the time you gave me… For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.  I’ll never be the same…” To Live is Christ by Sidewalk Prophets. I closed my eyes and worshiped to this song as we drove down the road.  Cody squeezed my hand gently, bringing me back to reality.  I looked over at him from the passenger seat.  “If I die before you, can you be happy for me?” I asked him.  Cody’s ey

Do you ever have the ‘I don’t want to’ in life?   Of course you have.   I don’t want to get out of bed today.   I don’t want to go to work today.   I don’t want to go to school today.   I don’t want to do my homework today.   I don’t want to cook dinner today.   I don’t want to be nice today.   I don’t want to ‘adult’ today.   The majority of us subconsciously says, or thinks these things on an almost daily basis.   I don’t want to… I have had this attitude every day for nearly two weeks now.  My ‘want to’ for anything has dissipated.  I don’t want to face the day.  I don’t want to fake the smile on my face.  I don’t want to hide my anger.  I don’t want to pretend I’m okay.  I don’t want to face the loneliness of widowhood.  I don’t want to be a single parent.  I don’t want to figure out this new chapter of life.  I don’t want to face the grief.  I don’t want to face any new issues.  I don’t want to read my Bible.  I don’t want to praise God.  I don’t want to worship Him.  I don

Photo by Hector D. Astorga Today is one of those reminiscing days.  One of those gut-wrenching lonely days.  You know, those days where no matter what you do, you just cannot seem to get out of the ‘funk’.  Yea, it’s one of those days for me for sure.  Could be because it is 5-years ago today that I first met my husband.  The intensity of missing him is something fierce today.  But it is okay.  I know I will be okay.  It’s a process. This whole grieving thing is just a process.  “Trust the process” they say.  Okay, I will, but I trust my God more.  It’s days like today, that I can look back over the last 5-months and see all of the progress I have made emotionally, and spiritually.  But it also becomes more real.  Reality becomes more real.  I can vividly see how much more I have to go in ‘this process’.  It’s so easy to get ahead of ourselves in life.  It’s so difficult, well at least for me, to just ‘be’.  To just live in this moment and in this day.  Why is that so hard?