Praise Him Through The Pain

This picture speaks a thousand words to me.

On a more recent 'bad' night... I was transparent in my cries to God. And questioning the hurt and devastation in my life. With the more time that passes, it's getting easier to wake up and seize the day. However, the reality of never getting to be in my husband’s arms again or hear his beautiful laugh can bring me to my knees in an instant.
This particular night Abby had been inconsolable while in pain from teething... I was at a loss, felt defeated... And angry.

No one sets out in life to be a single parent. I began to just cry along with Abby. Realizing in this moment how much I took having a Life Partner and Husband for granted. I angrily cried out to God- I did everything right. I followed 'the rules'. Waiting until marriage to start a family, Cody and I had a life plan, we were good people, why, why? Why am I now a single mother? I can't do this alone... All these thoughts running through my mind and escaping my mouth toward God.

I knew I couldn't sit in this anger, so I turned Praise and Worship music on. I turned it up and began praying to the same God who I just screamed at... His Grace...

Then I look up and see this...

To some it may just be a baby with her arms up... To me it is a beautiful Soul and Spirit Praising our Creator. She continued to do this for several minutes as she danced back and forth to the Worship song.

This is life.

This is innocents in the purest form.

This is what I want my relationship with The Lord to mirror. Child-like Faith and transparency.

Watching my baby girl do this in the midst of my angry fit brought me to my knees in thankfulness. She was ordained for a Time Such as This. She is helping me grow in so many spiritual and emotional ways. I know without a doubt her and I are nestled in the arms of Jesus. He will never leave us or forsake us.

It's still hard not to allow the 'why' questions to come... But I have had, literally, hundreds of people tell me how this devastation and tragedy has changed their lives for the better. How it has brought them closer to God... Mended relationships with family members and telling me this event and testimony is not in vain.

If this life altering event has helped save one soul, just one, then I am thankful- I will sing Praises- I know that is what my beautiful Cody would want me to do. He would have joyfully laid his life down to save another.

Thank you to all who have shared your hearts with me. It helps me to see The Glory of God shining in the dark moments.

God is so much bigger than my pain.

I Trust my God. I Trust my God. I Trust my God.

Comments

Words From Heaven

It never ceases to amaze me how God intricately designs details of our lives, creating a divine moment. For an Anniversary gift several years ago I gave Cody a book titled ‘Married for Life’, Inspirations From Those Married 50 Years or More. We loved this book. If you ever visited our home, you would have seen this book sitting on our coffee table. We made a diligent effort to read an insert from it daily, usually sitting down for dinner. We would mute the television and read out of it before eating. It seemed almost every testimony of marriage we read was for the exact moment we read it (you know how God works). Needless to say, this book was precious to us. Now that Cody is no longer here- It will be a cherished book of mine, forever. It’s no surprise to most, after his passing, I could not stay in our lake house. While moving a few months ago and unpacking boxes, I came across this book. I have shared the followin...

If I Die Before You, Can You Be Happy For Me...?

Photo by Cori Lusk Ford “If I rise, let me rise on you. Not on all of my success, my esteem or my pursuits. If I lose, let me lose my life. Cause if I belong to Jesus, the flesh is crucified. For me to live is Christ, to die is gain. If I grow, let me grow in You. Wilt the seeds of wanting more. Rippin’ pride out by the roots, and if I’m still, let me hear You speak. Not the tone of my transgressions, but the song of the Redeemed. For me to Live is Christ, to die is gain. My great desire is to be with you. But this is the place you chose for me. To lift my cross and give everything. This is the time you gave me… For me to live is Christ, to die is gain. I’ll never be the same…” To Live is Christ by Sidewalk Prophets. I closed my eyes and worshiped to this song as we drove down the road. Cody squeezed my hand gently, bringing me back to reality. I looked over at him from the passenger...

Cease Striving

Photo by Chera Zwar I walked quickly behind the frustrated cries of my daughter. I could see her ahead of me standing at a chain linked fence. Her little fingers intertwined through the fence with clinched fists. Her feet jumped up and down in an exasperated impatience. She began shaking the fence. I looked upon her with a half laugh, as well as awe of the strength that flooded out of her two year old body. She kept looking at me with confusion and almost anger. Then her hands pointed in front of her. What lay ahead was a kingdom for a toddler. A playground with many adventures awaited just beyond the fence. Just beyond her reach. “Baby girl, we don’t have to climb over this high fence to get to the playground. Cease your striving,” I said calmly making my way to her. As soon as those words left my mouth, I stopped walking. “Cease Striving”, I repeated. I turned to my friend who was next to me and I remembered those same words have been spoken over me these last few weeks...

I Trust My God...

Search This Blog