Something my pastor
preached on, Sunday morning sparked… no more like ignited a fire in my spirit.
His sermon revolved heavily on the dreams and aspirations we all have. Yes, we
all have them even in old age, those dreams still swim in our minds. We are
made in the image of God—we are made with a passion to serve and worship Him…
to glorify Him. That yearning desire you have to ______________ (fill in your
blank). We were made to express that ‘uniqueness’ in us… that special little
something that The Lord dispersed in YOU, and in a matchless way that only YOU
could deliver it. Isn’t that amazing? We are made differently. When I sit and
dwell on the fact that God created me to play an intricate role in this world.
A part that He made specifically for me, that is exciting! At the same time, it
scares me. Our human nature immediately wants to puff ourselves up and think
how important we are. Yes—we are important, but NOT for our own selfish
agendas.
One of my favorite scriptures, that for me—depicts the essence of God placing desires
in our hearts—ultimately for His glory, not our selfishness is Psalm 37:4.
“Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires and secret
petitions of your heart.” This is a scripture I revert to often and know I have
quoted in other blog posts… but it is so powerful! If we seek Him and delight
ourselves in the Lord, He makes manifest the desires of our heart… the desires
that He put there for His greater purpose.
I remember being a young girl—maybe 9 or 10 years old. Instead of watching T.V.
in the evenings, I would sit in front of the computer and create stories… write
little stories. I had a dream. I wanted to create incredible words on paper… I
wanted people to read my creativeness. I would dream of having a shelf full of
books with my name on them. I would imagine having crowds of people lined up
for my book signings. Is that insane or what?! A young child yearning for this…
But that deep passion and yearning to simply write and put words on paper never
ceased. In fact, it grew, and continues to do so—especially the closer to The
Lord I get. That, to me is confirmation from our Heavenly Daddy—this is my gift
to be used to glorify Him.
For those who know of me, may know that I have written for newspapers/magazines/media
since I was 18—the last 6 years. After graduating with a journalism degree, I
went to work as a journalist for County Life Magazine in Houston County… I had
my ‘dream job’ at the age of 21. I was making a name for myself—I even won
journalism awards. Bear with me—I’m not saying all this to brag—I was happy in
my life, I was content, I was well in my career, a single young women taking
care of and providing for myself, and my future. I had the world at my
fingertips so to speak…. Then out of nowhere—I hit a wall. The wall encompassed
every area of my life. God was tugging on my heart. I was walking with Him
during this time in my life, I was seeking Him and His Will, but I did not have
a revelation of what it meant to give every area of your life to Him…
He wanted every area. I fought it for months. I noticed little by little, I
found menial satisfaction in things that used to excite me in my job. Cover
stories became just another story. I became complacent in work and in my walk
with God. I began straying to people and places I had no business being. I was
seeking something. I was seeking that ‘high’ that used to fill me when I would
see my name in print. Something was missing….
After months of running from God and His promptings, I reluctantly handed in my
resignation letter and two-week notice. I had been offered another position
with another news media (not a writing position) in another town. My flesh did
not want to go, but in my spirit, I knew this is where God was leading me. I
was torn and confused—God is not the author of confusion, but I was creating
the confusion with my stubbornness.
Point of this story is… I was using the talents, gifts and passions The Lord
embedded into my heart and soul before I was even born, for my own gain! My
heart and mind were focused on ‘me’. I was not giving this part of myself to
God and He wanted it.
This was a testing period. I hadn’t recognized it then, but God had removed my
props of life. Everything I put faith in to help me ‘feel’ complete, He had
knocked out under my feet. I had nowhere to turn for comfort except to Him.
This was the beginning of my ‘pruning’ process if you will. This was a quiet
and very tough time in my life, but I am forever grateful for having gone
through it.
I don’t believe it was against God’s will for me to be writing for a media
outlet… but I was becoming self-absorbed in successes. I was being a glory hog
and not giving God the praise for the places He put me at and, the talent He
made manifest in me... Make sense? I didn’t understand this for about the first
6-months after I relocated. Then on New Year’s Eve of 2011, I had a tenacious
tug on my heart to sit down with my laptop and Bible… and write. Nearly 10,000
words later, I went to sleep. The Lord placed His words, His work in me…
Whether anyone ever reads those words (which has now grown into 57,000+ words
and 160+ pages) or not, is none of my business, it belongs to God.
My pastor ended on Sunday with the question… What is the dream or passion The
Lord has entrenched into your being?
Ask Him to show you how to glorify Him with the gifts He has given you. Ask Him
how to lead you into an everlasting growth in Him.
"I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in
you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up until to the time of
His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full
completion in you.” Philippians 1:6
...And remember, don't be afraid to Dream Big, Because Our God
Is Bigger!
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