My face buried in my hands, my cheeks burned from
the streams of hot tears rolling down as the sobs escaped uncontrollably and out of
nowhere. My body ached from the emotions released. A million thoughts bombarding
my mind at once… Memories of a life that could have been. So many memories of
being on my face in prayer for that life. A life that seemed so far away.
The tears keep rolling at thoughts of the future… just mere thoughts though—because
I have no clue about the future. But then who really does? We can all make
plans, but our tomorrows ultimately aren’t ours to decide.
Fears are overwhelming me. Fears of never having the deep desires of my heart met. Desires
that were fulfilled for a short time and then vanished into thin air as if that
life were a dream. I opened my mouth in between the deep cries, words of
gibberish escaped. I have no idea what to pray, but my spirit does. I just talk
to my God. I talk in anger, I talk in transparency, I talk in sadness, I talk
in thankfulness… I just talk. And then my spirit hears a faint whisper… “But
Aren’t I Enough?”
My sobs stop immediately. I rise to my knees from my
crumbled position on the floor in my prayer area. I lift my head up as if
aiming to the Heavens. I repeat the question I just felt pressed upon my spirit—“But
Aren’t I Enough?”
Before another thought swarmed my flooded mind, the
word “Yes” flowed freely.
“Yes, Lord, YOU are enough”, I whispered. “You are
more than enough.” As these whispers left my lips I pictured a daddy leading
his child. A good daddy would never leave his child to fend for themselves. How
much more can we depend on our Heavenly daddy to lead us?
I continued to pray. Words began to come to my mind…
fear, anger, grief, sadness, confusion, un-loveable,
rejected, impatience, unworthy, unclean… all of these words that have
defined my emotions for a long time. These words are not true but hold power
when we don’t strike them down with the truth
of God’s Word. It doesn’t matter what words the enemy throws at us. When we
make the decision to believe them is when we give our power away.
I’ve been giving my power away.
I recently had the opportunity to speak at a 3 day women’s
ministry event. During a pivotal moment in the weekend a young woman
testified that the Lord revealed something profound to her. She stated that she
realized she needed to Love Christ more than her children, more than her
husband.
Ouch.
I cannot get that revelation out of my mind. When
she spoke this truth, her words pierced with a supernatural power. How many of
us love our children more than Jesus? Our spouses?
After experiencing deep loss, I have gone through a
season of not trusting God with my baby girl. That sounds ridiculous as I read
it out loud right now. How could I not trust Him with her? He created her. But
I was inflicted with deep fear of losing her after losing my husband, her
daddy. I didn’t want her out of my sight. I wanted to keep her all to myself
all of the time. It was unhealthy. I have definitely come a long way in overcoming
those fears. But that fear can still creep up and paralyzes me out of nowhere.
Fear is the opposite of trust… the opposite of love.
1 John 4:18 tell us, “There is no fear in love. But
perfect love drives out fear…”
When we surrender every faucet of our lives to
Christ, it frees us up to trust in a supernatural manner.
In my moment of disheveled tears and transparency
before the throne in my prayer area—I begun to see how I have allowed fear to slither
in nearly every area of my life like the slimy snake it is. I have lost sight
of the throne. I have lost sight of truth. I have been so focused on something
I think I want or think I deserve and my eyes fell off of the One who those
things would derive from in the first place. The Lord gave me a vision of a
huge rock. On this rock I built a house. I built a family, a career, I have
titles. I have ‘purpose’. On this rock my entire earthly life is built so
beautifully. But a storm comes and knocks down everything I built on that rock.
All that’s left is The Rock.
“Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD
himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:4
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my
salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2
When our lives don’t work out how we want them to, when our lives seem to be falling
apart, when we are disappointed, fearful, impatient, … The Rock still remains, unshaken, unmoved, acting as our shield.
Christ is the ONLY steadfast thing in our lives. He
is the only constant and true centerfold. Everything in our lives should ultimately
point to glorifying Him. Every relationship, every position we hold, every
place we enter we represent Christ. If He is all we had, all we could depend
upon and trust in… Isn’t that enough?
“But
Aren’t I Enough?”
Ephesians 1:3 says, “Praise be to the God and Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every
spiritual blessing in Christ.”
In Him we already have more than enough… everything
else in this life, every other relationship, our children, significant others,
our titles, careers, nice homes, beauty, handsomeness, earthly riches…
EVERYTHING else is ‘extra’ and less than essential for the journey to our
forever home in Heaven.
He is ENOUGH.
“His divine power has granted to us all things that
pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to
his own glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3
I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.
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