Praise Him Through The Pain

This picture speaks a thousand words to me. 

On a more recent 'bad' night... I was transparent in my cries to God. And questioning the hurt and devastation in my life. With the more time that passes, it's getting easier to wake up and seize the day. However, the reality of never getting to be in my husband’s arms again or hear his beautiful laugh can bring me to my knees in an instant. 
This particular night Abby had been inconsolable while in pain from teething... I was at a loss, felt defeated... And angry.

No one sets out in life to be a single parent. I began to just cry along with Abby. Realizing in this moment how much I took having a Life Partner and Husband for granted. I angrily cried out to God- I did everything right. I followed 'the rules'. Waiting until marriage to start a family, Cody and I had a life plan, we were good people, why, why? Why am I now a single mother? I can't do this alone... All these thoughts running through my mind and escaping my mouth toward God. 

I knew I couldn't sit in this anger, so I turned Praise and Worship music on. I turned it up and began praying to the same God who I just screamed at... His Grace...

Then I look up and see this...

To some it may just be a baby with her arms up... To me it is a beautiful Soul and Spirit Praising our Creator. She continued to do this for several minutes as she danced back and forth to the Worship song.

This is life.

This is innocents in the purest form.

This is what I want my relationship with The Lord to mirror. Child-like Faith and transparency.

Watching my baby girl do this in the midst of my angry fit brought me to my knees in thankfulness. She was ordained for a Time Such as This. She is helping me grow in so many spiritual and emotional ways. I know without a doubt her and I are nestled in the arms of Jesus. He will never leave us or forsake us. 

It's still hard not to allow the 'why' questions to come... But I have had, literally, hundreds of people tell me how this devastation and tragedy has changed their lives for the better. How it has brought them closer to God... Mended relationships with family members and telling me this event and testimony is not in vain.

If this life altering event has helped save one soul, just one, then I am thankful- I will sing Praises- I know that is what my beautiful Cody would want me to do. He would have joyfully laid his life down to save another. 

Thank you to all who have shared your hearts with me. It helps me to see The Glory of God shining in the dark moments. 

God is so much bigger than my pain.

I Trust my God. I Trust my God. I Trust my God.